I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
