Dual....:-)
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
