oh god the rape fog is back!
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
