All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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