Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
did i just pee glitter
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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