You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Pooping to opera.
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