wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ketchup is God's man juice
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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