OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
