My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
