I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
