Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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