The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
