do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
