Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
