WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
