did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it glows. i had to have it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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