didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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