so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
