Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
