Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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