i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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