I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
