Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
