Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(912): View more from Georgia

then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again

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(954): View more from Florida

I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?

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(678): View more from Georgia

there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.

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(513): View more from Ohio

He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun

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