With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
