Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
vagina is talking i cant
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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