So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I AM VODKA MAN
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
