Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
