You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
