Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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