I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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