GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
