you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
