3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
