i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
