We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
