I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
