and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize