Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
