god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize