I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
