I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
