You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
