Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
