i already hear my dad disowning me
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
