Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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