Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
