and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
