spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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