After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
