Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
