Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
