i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
