I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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