Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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