Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
These tits shall not be calmed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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