Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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