I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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