Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
