Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize