I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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