btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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