just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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