Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
