So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The Olympian is in my bed
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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