you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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