I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My feet surprised me
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