I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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