I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize