Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
