I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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