Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
