community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize