Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
