If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
