Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
this boner is exhausting
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
