I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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