alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
