Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
