so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Randomize
