i love accidental penises.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize