I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
