I skipped work to stalk him.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So apparently I’m into choking now
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