I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
