I love black thongs
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
