Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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