There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
