It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
