my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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