Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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