how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
