I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize