Who did Billy Mays play for?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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