Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
