I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think I died a long time ago.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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