Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
