Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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