fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
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