he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize