My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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