Did you just see the Batmobile???
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
