im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize