I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Randomize
