You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
