you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
