Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
