You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She's the barista slut.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
