Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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