True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
