well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
