i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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