She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
