Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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