I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize