I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
