Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
