i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
