Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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