can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
