The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
