I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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