life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize