Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
