You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
