but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize