Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
