I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
