I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
