do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
