She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
