Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize