I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
