Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
