i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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