just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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