Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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