After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
