I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
